Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
