The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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