She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
