If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
