I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
