Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
