Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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