You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
