I skipped work to stalk him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
