he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
