can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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