I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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