I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
