I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
