he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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