She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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