I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
