grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
