when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
