google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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