What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize