I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
