nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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