hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
