I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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