it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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