Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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