is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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