Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
