I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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