I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Barsexuality is the new black.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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