i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
