The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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