i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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