I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
