Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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