it was like his penis was on wheels.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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