She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
