Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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