My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
