yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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