my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
