So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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