Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
