I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
