Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
