White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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