You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
