and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
