The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
