just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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