Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
