i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
