haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
