I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
