so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
