Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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