there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
