Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
