I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My cat gives me a boner
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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