Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
