I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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