You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
