I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
