Having a random hookup so left but love u
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
