your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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