I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
