Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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