i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
