Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
