He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
