Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
