I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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