omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
