Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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