i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
