you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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