I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This is the high leading the old right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
